Budapest Resources...the ORIGINAL expat Service Center

For those living in Budapest, tonight could be the only chance to see the current greatest living Hungarian -and last surviving Ramone - on Hungarian soil, when Tamás Erdély (hopefully) gets behind the drums at Zöld Pardon. Better known as Tommy Ramone, Erdélyi ranked second greatest living Hungarian at the now defunkt Matula Magazine. But that was in the days before the death of Ferenc Puskás, which, in the absence of any up-and-coming great Hungarians, must make him current numero uno. What's more, this is also the one-time drummer's first visit to Hungary since his parents took him to Queens as a child in the 1950s. As for much of his career, Tommy will play second fiddle to the band, Ramones Mania, a Hungarian tribute to the legendary New York punk outfit. But hey ho, who cares, entry to ZP is, as always, just Ft 200 (€0.80)!

From what we assume to be the same anonymous tech-type who sent us this comes the following: Just browsing some knowledge management websites and tried out 'TrueKnowledge.com' for the query on Hungary as to local languages. Result, "We don't know of any significant written languages for the specified geographical area." That's a pretty mean assessment of Hungarian. Not sure what all this means, but in case you are wondering, "ouch" in Hungarian is aúú.

From our anonymous tipjar, an "e-video" touting a ".hu" website explaining how it can help users earn big bucks (bux) on the Internet. Unfortunately, the secret was blatant "click-fraud." Less unfortunately, the clever entrepreneur seems to have been shut down. Oh well, there's always stolen credit-cards, burglary and working for the government…

In a delicious twist on our usual excuses about it being cucumber season - the time of year when nothing ever happens in Hungary - a cucumber thief was killed by electric shock in Kesznyét, BAZ County, on Monday, as the owner was protecting his plantation with an electric fence. One of two other thieves was seriously injured. After this, between 30 and 50 relatives of the dead thief wanted to attack the 68-year-old owner. Police are still securing the farm of the old man, because the relatives want to take revenge. The man has been arrested for "attempted murder," the story says, which is strange, as he very much succeeded if one thief died. [index.hu] • It must be cucumber season in China, too, because according to Xinhuanet, Hungarian musicians have regained the world record for longest non-stop concert by performing for 216 consecutive hours at an event held near Lake Balaton from June 21. The record-breaking concert, in which more than 1,000 musicians participated, ended at 3 p.m. on Monday. One year ago, Hungary set the same record with a 192-hour concert, but this achievement was later beaten by Canada with a 200-hour performance. [news.xinhuanet.com] • There are 45,000 blind people in Hungary, and they all have serious problems using banknotes, says origo.hu. The banknotes have some embossed signs on them, but they are not Braille and they are usually too worn to feel and read. This exposes blind people to fraud in stores as they cannot tell the difference between banknotes. [origo.hu] • A man who had found a gun on a hill near Pálfiszeg (Zala county) on Monday evening, accidentally shot himself on the leg while, like a decent citizen, hopped onto his motorbike to go to the police and hand it in. Unfortunately he did not check the safety before putting it into his pocket but still made it to the Zalaegerszeg hospital in one piece. [stop.hu] • Police have caught thieves pilfering cables from Budapest transport authority BKV for the first time. Apparently, the cables, which have been going missing so often that Blikk labeled the practice a "Hungaricum", can be sold for Ft 1,000 (€4) per kilo to scrap metal dealers. Meanwhile, stop.hu reveals that BKV spends Ft 3-4 million per month on operating "spy trams" at night to prevent the practice. [inforadio.hu] [stop.hu] • Police are warning motorists of "friendly thieves" who offer to help motorway drivers after receiving 34 reports in Pest County alone this year. An accomplice takes the victims bag while an accomplice distracts the driver by pointing out a bogus puncture or defect. Romanians and Bulgarians returning home from jobs in Western Europe are often targeted as they tend to carry large amounts of cash. It is not unheard of for the thieves to damage the tire themselves to enhance credibility. [MTI] • Ten girls were selected on June 24 to be "boxcica" ("pit lane kittens") at this year's Formula 1 Hungarian Grand Prix to be held on August 3rd. They had various tasks to perform, such as go-karting, wall climbing and designing a magazine cover featuring themselves. The jury selected ten girls to rub shoulders and whatever else with the stars of the F1 circus in August. A member of the jury, presenter Zoltán Szujó said, a good "boxcica" is outgoing, attractive and speaks good English. [blikk.hu] • In great governmental tradition, Minister of Local Governments István Gyenesei, who is also in charge of sports, had the honor of presenting a prize to his own daughter, but this "award" was entirely legitimate. Leila Gyenesei won the championship in the team event and finished sixth overall in the recent pentathlon world championships held in Budapest, earning herself a flight to the Olympics. Yay! Going against type, the minister said: "It would have been my job to select the prizes, but as I am personally involved, I left it to one of my state secretaries to make the call." Gyenesei proudly handed over certificate and a gold necklace to his daughter and promised would be there to see her compete in Beijing. [blikk.hu] • A ledge on a 100-year-old house collapsed in Nagykanizsa on Thursday, but did not cause any injuries or deaths as it was too early for that kind of thing. The ledge and bricks around it were scattered in a 20-meter radius in the street - click the link for a pic. [origo.hu] • A woman in Szeged took her own life by blowing up her family home following a fight with her husband. He and their children left for the last time as a result of the argument and were sleeping at a nearby friend's house when they were woken by the explosion. By the time they got home they found only smoldering ruins. The mother's body was found under the ruins by firefighters. [zoom.hu] • A car and what must have been a very fast-moving garbage truck crashed on Monday dawn in Budapest's District XI with fatal consequences. The driver of the car and the passenger sitting next to him died on the spot, while his other passenger, a young woman, died in the ambulance. Another victim is in a life-threatening condition. [fn.hu] • On Monday afternoon, an elderly lady fainted at the train station of Nyíregyháza (Szabolcs-Szatmár-Bereg county). A 15-year-old girl, just escaped from a group home, saw the opportunity and took her bag, as well as the bag of someone assisting the woman. Police caught up with her and found that she was completely numb from sedatives. [stop.hu] • Hungarian soldiers set off on a survival tour on Tuesday evening. The 108-kilometer race begins in Somogy county, to the south of Lake Balaton, and ends in the Bakony, the mountain range to the north. The 80 soldiers in 33 teams participating in "The 54 Challenge" must walk and run the entire distance on foot, sleeping rough in the forests. There is one rest area on the route where they receive food, water and medical assistance, otherwise they are on their own. The deadline for the bedraggled scarecrows to complete the challenge is 1 pm on 3 July. [atv.hu]

Hey, Chew, if you thought the gombóc at Artigiana Gelati were expensive, check out these bad boys! Not quite a gombóc, the gömböc is an attempt to capitalize on a Hungarian invention, "the first known homogenous object with one stable and one unstable equilibrium point". According to the website blurb: On a perfectly horizontal, smooth surface without friction a Gömböc will always return to its single stable equilibrium position. Yet your Gömböc has a highly sensitive geometry. Non-zero slope, uneven, rugged supporting surface and wear, scratches and other damages on the surface of the Gömböc surface may result in additional stable equilibria. Even dust on the surface can impact the characteristics of a Gömböc. All for €499, or €249.50 per equilibrium.

Not only is the above a spectacular crash in a built up area on a main road just yards from a busy bus stop packed with innocent bystanders, the mangled wreckage in question also belongs to a Hungary's top crime fighters, the National Investigation Office (NNI). And according to a breathless eyewitness reporting to and taking pictures for Index.hu (click the link for more twisted metal) from Rákóczi út, the downtown scene of the carnage, bystanders were crudely told to mind their own business, the number plates of the cars were quickly hidden from view and a collection of firearms was transferred from the trunk to another vehicle. Exciting stuff! Realizing that the online portal has eyes everywhere, an NNI statement later revealed that the three passengers, who only suffered "minor injuries", had been "on duty" when the high-speed smash-up occurred. Collateral damage included a parked motorcycle, a tree and a stationary car, although in the best traditions of the A-Team, no one was hurt.

If you lead a life of luxury but don't feel like paying up to the tax authorities, it's generally considered a wise move not to post images of said luxurious lifestyle online for everyone to see. You would think this to be obvious, and in fact, it is, but apparently not if you're a playmate, a certain category of women that unlike their Noble Nobel Prize winning counterparts, aren't exactly known for their intelligence. Thus comes the not all that shocking news from Blikk that former Playmate of the Year and government minister hotness rater Sylvi Bódi has become the subject of an investigation by tax authority APEH, who after taking time out from watching porn films said her tax returns just don't gel with all of the pictures she's posting about her exotic vacations. While once the trophy girlfriend of one of Hungarys' richest, which would explain her ability to spend money without a corresponding income, that's no longer the case, and the reason the tax authorities, who of late discovered that collecting unpaid taxes is a good idea, have started looking into her finances, while men around the world will continue to look at Bódi's body.

The man who pointed a toy gun at Prime Minister Ferenc Gyurcsány on May Day and had the Left salivating that someone on the Right would be so stupid, only for it to be discovered that the guy's reading material was Das Kapital and he was a hardcore leftist, was fined Ft 30,000 (€125), index.hu reports. The man stated that he was at first impressed with the prime minister's oratorical skills before ultimately being bored by the speech's content, at which time he removed the toy gun, although he stated he didn't point it at anyone. The guards working for the government recalled otherwise, stating that the man shouted "You'll die now, Gyurcsány!" in what sounds like a cheesy line from a B-movie. The punishment was relatively light since the man had no previous record, although the fact that he was drunk off his tits didn't help his case much. In the future, the man would be better off expressing his opinions about the prime minister here, as well as working on his famous last words should he ever try this stunt again.

In line with the government's closing of psychiatric wards, the Budapest Assembly approved plans to erect a "Speakers' Barrel" to be established in the Városliget park, but it did not vote to provide the Ft 30 million (€124,000) needed for the project, perhaps assuming that like Budapest public transport operator BKV, things will just take care of themselves. Budapest assembly opposition leader István Tarlós said he favored the idea, but was somewhat concerned that at Budapest's version of the Hyde Park Speaker's Corner, some idiots would start spouting racist invective in front of a camera. Tarlós was not without a solution to the lack of money, however, suggesting that Budapest's most ill-conceived "memorial" (which is saying something), the unpopular and non-functioning Time Wheel (above) be relocated and turned on its side. While the idea of a Speaker's Barrel sounds really cool, who wants to bet that if you were to walk by, it'll be jackbooted dumbasses expressing their views and not women on how much they love cats?

Coming on the shocking news that government-sponsored journalism may in fact favor the government sponsoring said journalism reported on by our sister site politics.hu, is news that one of Prime Minister Ferenc Gyurcsány's kids who took his high school baccalaureate exam recently was given an unfair advantage by his teachers, writes origo.hu. Despite other students being held to the three hour time limit, Gyurcsány the Younger, (one of the Gyurcsi-lookalikes in the photo), was allowed to keep working on it for another hour. Government spokesperson Dávid Daróczi denied the claims, while parents stressed they were upset with the school, not the prime minister or his family. While people with learning disabilities are given extra time to complete the exams, Péter Gyurcsány, as identified by right-leaning daily Magyar Hírlap, does not have any learning disabilities, meaning that if he needed extra time on this year's exam, for which the general consensus was that it was ridiculously easy, well, draw your own conclusions.

It's news that will make Budapest's own Short Skirt and See-Through Pants Appreciation Society extremely happy. According to tabloid of record Blikk, the miniszoknya or miniskirt, while never really gone, is back, and shorter than ever! According to the tab, the "most fashionable" length is twenty centimeters, or less than eight inches, meaning the bottoms of butt cheeks should be available for viewing by the hordes of Hungarian horndogs. If you're thinking that the miniskirt will make Hungarian women look trashy, that's not the only way, as one of our own celebrities made clear last year. Despite today's weather being a bit on the gloomy and cooler side, the ten day forecast suggests those miniskirts, if staying in the closet today, will be back out on the streets in no time for you to ogle. And yes, that includes some of you women readers as well.

When we last checked in with Uma Thurman, the American actress/model/global boner idol had just gotten engaged to a rich non-Hungarian with a very Hungarian name. Well, now it seems that she's ditched hotelier André Balazs (that's them at left) in order to… get engaged to another rich non-Hungarian with a very Hungarian name. Thurman's current future sort-of-Hungarian husband is the London-based Swiss/French hedge fund zillionaire/supermodel impregnator Arpad "Arki" Busson (that's them at center), who got his Hungo handle from an esteemed relative of the Magyar persuasion: Arpad was named for Arpad Plesch, his step-grandfather, who, when his first wife died, married her daughter. A rich Hungarian financier, he was, potentially, the black sheep of the family, being "linked", as professional insinuators put it, to the Nazi-era, Zyklon-B producing firm IG Farben.

Following on the tails of more negative booze news comes the latest report from index.hu in the current War on Self-Destructive Behavior, which is that Óbuda (District III) will ban the selling of alcohol in stores between 10pm and 6am. For a store to stay open late, it has to promise to not sell any alcohol, nudge nudge wink wink. While this will not applied to the Sziget festival, because let's be honest, there would be hell to pay for that, it will apply even to the soon-to-be-opened Tesco and gas stations, meaning that while you can fill your tank up, you yourself can't get your fill and be tanked. District III Mayor Balázs Bús, (who's last name means cheerless or gloomy, no joke), said the fun-stopping regulations were thought up due to noise complaints. While the articles doesn't mention if nénis were involved or not, the telltale signs of their behind-the-scenes influence is there, leading us to wonder if maybe its time to declare a War on Nénis.

Want to sleep in public but afraid that by the time you wake up, you'll be relieved of all your possessions? Well, the person in the picture above spotted on Andrássy út last Thursday night, who looks to be a backpacker saving some money, has figured it out. Get yourself locked into the area between the building's main door and the decorative glass door in front of it. This way, the people in the building know you can't get in, and the people outside can't get to you, meaning everyone wins, unless you suddenly have to take a piss, that is.

Last night's decisive 3-0 victory by Spain over Russia in the Euro 2008 semi-finals not only robbed Russian fans of the hope that they might win their first major international football tournament. It also preempted what would have been the most high-profile meeting of Germany and Russia since the grueling European Finals of 1941-45, in which the red side prevailed despite suffering approximately 30 million fouls at the hands of the relentless Germans, most of them career-ending. The spectacle of a Russia-Germany rematch would have been of special interest to those clubs across the continent which, like Hungary, saw their own players drafted to play on one side or the other - and sometimes both - during the epic mid-century tournament.

Speaking of parking out of bounds in Budapest, just get a load of the above shot from toptab Blikk, which features a car taking up not one but two handicapped spaces in the garage of the Mammut mall in Buda. Thank God they had the good sense to be driving a Lamborghini, or they might have actually gotten a ticket.

Not that it's necessarily unwise to illegally park on a small traffic triangle in the middle of a busy downtown intersection in Budapest (in the case, the deadly Podmaniczky utca/Bajcsy-Zsilinszky út junction in District VI). But to do it in a dingy economy car rather than a shiny Benz, BMW or some other set of luxury wheels is just ridiculous.

From our trusty reader tipjar comes the not-so-shocking revelation of another delicious food-related fuckup involving Hungary's most widely-used online translation engine. As for why anyone would want people to think that the word "apples" means "titties" in Hungarian, our tipster smells a conspiracy: "I think someone is trying to make sure foreigners get a beatdown at the grocers." On the other hand, when you type in the Hungarian word for "tomato" you get "love apple," which could similarly get you beaten to a pulp in the supermarket in London or Detroit. So probably best to just keep your mouth shut and point at what you want.

Things are back to normal after last week's serious computer meltdown, which seems to also have effected the folks at German energy giant E.ON. Residents of a Pécs housing block who were evacuated after a deadly gas explosion last month have received their gas bills for May, despite being forced to leave their devastated homes and nearly losing their lives to said gas, harumphs mno.hu. Realizing that the administrative error might cause even more of a blow up, E.ON quickly assured the 32 residents billed that they were not really expected to pay up. Meanwhile also in Pécs, and also involving the scatter-brained energy provider, a man has received a threatening final demand for payment because he owned Ft 2 (a sum so small, it can't be translated into euros), says hirszerzo.hu, adding "nem vicc!" ("no joke") to its headline. The man failed to pay the sum by June 28 last year, and has been threatened with a lawsuit and additional costs. By the time he attempted to pay the bill earlier this year, Ft 1 and 2 coins were no longer in use, so post office staff refused his money, rounded the sum down to zero and processed the check. The case rumbles on, as does the Midweek Briefing. • Police found the stinking corpse of a man who had been dead for months in the woods near Petőfiszállás (Bács-Kiskun County) on Sunday, June 15. There was no evidence of any crime or unpaid fuel bill. [hirszerzo.hu] • Just to be on the safe side, the cobbles used to cover the area around the planned Speakers' Barrel in the Városliget City Park will not be suitable for throwing. We kid you not. [origo.hu] • Replacing the stick with the carrot, Várpalota Police have decided to issue prizes rather than fines to two drivers who have violated traffic rules - but then seen the error of their ways. The town is currently experiencing an epidemic of motorists thinking it is cool to stick darkened strips to their car windows that prevent them seeing out of their vehicles. The police will draw two winners from among those drivers who can demonstrate that they have removed the offending car shades in the past month. [mno.hu] • Gangs of Hungarian pickpockets are preying on holidaymakers in Croatia - when they're not popping home for lucrative trips to the "Sziget" festival or helping themselves to the possessions of drunken football fans at Euro 2008 in Austria or Switzerland , speculates Népszabadság. [nol.hu] • A mother from Abaújvár who recently made the news - for being just 11 years old - has identified a good way of supporting her baby: by charging TV stations and gossip rags to interview her. Daughter Miranda became a source of income at the age of one week, earning an exclamation marked ilyet ("fancy that") from news portal Hírszerző. Who says kids only cost you money? [hirszerzo.hu] • At the other end of the parenting scale, Hungary's best father has been found. The winner of the national contest in Győr is 47-year-old János Juhász from Mosonmagyaróvár. to weed out the men from the boys, fathers were asked to answer questions about cooking meat soup and demonstrate their ironing and diaper changing skills. András Horváth from Nagykálló finished second and Sándor Paksi from Pápa finished third. [hirtv.hu] • A cow fell into a pit near Sirok (Heves county) on Saturday, June 14. Firefighters from Eger worked for nearly two hours to extract the half ton animal from the pit. The cow was anesthetized during the procedure and emerged unscathed and pörkölt-ready. [hirado.hu] • Four cubic meters of wheat were spilled onto the road in Fegyvernek (Jász-Nagykun-Szolnok County) on Thursday, June 12, when the truck transporting it came to a sudden halt. The roads near Fegyvernek were closed while emergency services milled around the scene. Geddit? [hirtv.hu] • Speaking of comedy, a localized version of Comedy Central will be launched in Hungary in October. It will air locally made and international programs, including the channel's own "The Daily Show with John Stewart," "South Park" and "The Colbert Report." [bulvar.ma.hu] • Police have arrested the man who committed an armed robbery in Nyíregyháza two weeks ago. The 38-year-old man, who has a previous conviction, threatened a female casino employee at gunpoint to force her to hand over the cash, before locking her in the bathroom and fleeing the scene. It is not known how much money the man owed energy provider E.ON. [fn.hu]

This (entirely unedited) message just landed in the events@caboodle.hu inbox, probably from outer space: Subject: important hello my name is contessa XXXXXXXXX XX XXXXXXXXX from sweden. study medicine here at semmelweis. I go regualar to charity balls like in baden-baden and in sydney australia were I lived in 8 years also for horce racing etc... would like to go to some events similiar here in budapest if its possible I would appriciate if I could get some invitation if something will come up, thank you scincerly contessa XXXXXXXXX XX XXXXXXXXX ps:comming from a nobel family would like to meet those how comming also from nobel family if its possible. UPDATE: Reader M.P. offers a further insight into the world of her royal worship. Sad! UPDATE (II): Okay, so we're expunging the name of this person from this item (including her own comments), not because of any sympathy for her and/or suspicion that she didn't actually write that bone-headed letter up top, but just because she's been writing and calling and otherwise being a major pain in the ass. Or perhaps we should say, royal pain in the ass.